Hiya everyone. Just before I get into this post, I thought I’d mention that I recently started a Youtube channel! I upload every Sunday (and maybe have some surprise videos as and when) so chances are, you’ve missed a cheeky upload! Please go and subscribe and show me love because it’s scary business!
Living and dying are part of everyone’s life. Everyone has to deal with it. Whether it’s your own or someone close to you. That doesn’t make dealing with death, or fear of death any simpler or calming. Obviously death isn’t a calm situation for 99% of people. The reality is that death is the absolute only certainty in life, so we’re gonna have to deal with it regardless of how much you hate it.
Grief is the word for the emotions you have when someone you care about dies. It’s different for everyone but common feelings include: numbness, someone’s death comes as a shock regardless if you saw it coming or if it was a total surprise. It can be hard to believe they’re gone; guilt, sometimes people regret the way they acted around the person or that they hadn’t seen them enough before they passed away or depression, it’s very normal to feel very sad when someone dies especially if they mean a lot to you.
All of these are totally normal feelings. It’s really hard to NOT struggle with these feelings when someone around you dies. Take care of yourself because it will definitely help the grieving process. It won’t make it move along quicker because everyone’s grief is different and difficult in it’s own way BUT it may make it easier.
If someone around you is greiving, let’s say your partner or best friend, then it’s super super important to remember these things:
- There is no right to grieve. It can be fucking emotional, with unpredictable highs and lows. You may have already unfortunately had to grieve for someone yourself but everyone grieves differently so the way you coped, may not be a way that your friend will be able to do successfully. So I would avoid telling the person what they should be feeling and how to cope with it.
- Grief may involve extreme emotions and behaviours. Feelings of guilt, anger, despair, and fear are common. Everyone is different, again. So the sad person may cry upon cry, reach a bout of depression, completely repress the feelings and so on, everyone is well and truly difficult when this occurs.
- There is no set timetable for grieving. There’s no common goal when it comes to grieving. Sometimes it may take months or years but for others, the pain may never go away. I know for me, the pain of losing my mother will never ever go away – it’s just too much. It’s just how I deal with it that makes it ever so slightly easier.
I hope this allows you to understand grief and losing a loved one a little more. It’s a difficult journey and if you are reading these because you’ve lost a loved one, I hope you feel better soon. I know it won’t be perfect or at least straight away, but hang on in there. It does become easier to deal with.