Losing Friends From Putting Your Mental Health First

Hiya everyone! Just before I get into this post, I thought I’d mention that I recently started a Youtube channel! I upload every Sunday (and maybe have some surprise videos as and when) so chances are, you’ve missed a cheeky upload! Please go and subscribe and show me love because it’s scary business!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBxyLhN7ZlrZeyD0SDHPSqg

When you’re struggling with mental health issues, your whole world comes crashing down. You’re at the end of the line, struggling so fucking much. The last thing that you ever thing will happen is that you will lose friends but boy does it happen.

It can happen a multitude of ways. You can simply not be the fun person they loved to be around so they leave you in the dirt. You can just drift apart like many people do when you’re growing up and becoming the person you are meant to be and your mental health just happens to be there. Or you could lose friends by simply putting yourself first.

The latter is the most heartbreaking in my opinion.

I’ve lost a ton of friends from doing just this. It’s quite sad because they haven’t directly done anything wrong to me other than affect my mental health (which arguably is something wrong) BUT what I’m saying is they haven’t beat me up or threatened to murder me..

One thing I’ve realised over the last few years is I’ve gotta put me first. Now this is harsh, but regardless of how much that person is struggling themselves, I need to put me first. At the end of the day, that’s not my issue. That sounds incredibly horrible of me to say but surely you guys somewhat agree?

If my friends are struggling then fair enough, I will be there for them but if that is jeopardising my recovery and progress, then that’s something I’ve got to think about.

I have a ton of friends who help me and I am so so beyond grateful but if I thought for any second that they were putting themselves at risk for the benefit of me, I’d feel so guilty. Hence why I’m starting to notice when I am the person putting themselves at risk too.

With hindsight in hand, I’ve ruined myself a great deal for a ton of people. Now I’m not stating that that is their fault at all. I’m aware it’s mine and I have to learn to say no to helping people sometimes.

I feel like this is such a rocky area in mental health talk but let me know what you think!

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just a girl who loves spreading positivity

13 thoughts on “Losing Friends From Putting Your Mental Health First

  1. I’ve struggled with this as well and I’m a very introverted person so I don’t make friends too easily. But this post made me think “are we just assuming our friends don’t understand or assuming that our friends don’t want to be around us?” Surrounding mental health is often projection of our negative assumptions onto others. I’ve dealt with both: 1) assuming my friends’ feelings & thoughts, but later being proven wrong and 2) having a friend that literally does not understand or take into account others’ feelings, which ultimately led me to cut off the “friendship” because I always felt guilty when I didn’t want to be around her. Anyways, I love your posts, I can relate to them a lot.
    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for sharing, I love learning becoming more informed on mental illness from your posts. What would you say is the biggest struggle for you day to day?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for saying that! Honestly, getting out of bed is the number one struggle but once I do that, I’m faced with a whole lot of other struggles! But if I didn’t get out of bed, it would probably be so incredibly bad for my mental health in the long haul but it’s so much easier for my brain than tackling the day! But like I said, I know staying in bed would not be good for me so the effort it takes to actually get out is intense!

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  3. I am 57 years old. As you get older you lose friends and family members to death. Loss is heartbreaking in any form. Could you please read my “Melancholy 1” and “Melancholy 2” blogs and tell me what you think? Willowbentleysmama.wordpress.com

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  4. I can imagine it is tough making the decision on when to put yourself first or save a friendship. Over the past few years I’ve started to chase people less and while sometimes it can be lonely I know who I can rely on and the kind of qualities and people I need to be around. Looking after yourself is so important and maybe one day in the future if your friend is going through a hard time to they will realise what it was like for you and have more respect. People who truly care for you will try to help you whatever way they can, if they’re not willing to be there for you the same way you would for them it might be time to move on. Sending love x

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Thanks for sharing this post. I’m in a situation where I have a few friends who I have drifted from because they are damaging my mental health but at the end of the day its the best thing for my long term well being. Other situations involve best friends who I know are damaging me really badly but not having them in my life might cause just as much anxiety! ohhh its never simple! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Every time my depression flares (3 waves of it in my life), I lose people. I’ve gotten to the point where I just have my sister and one friend four hours away, before I left for grad school. But I’m on the autism spectrum, so friendship is hard to begin with; my perceptions of the world are different, because my sensory wiring and social development came about differently, so it takes more to connect! Still, I open up to new friendship as it comes and goes, and the loss is hard when it’s time for loss, when it’s time to be hard. I’ve felt for awhile that it’s just the wax and wane of life.

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  7. I pushed all my friends away, but, with hindsight, I realised that they were never really friends in the first place. All of my friendships were based on me being the listener/the fixer/the one who said the right things and made everything better for everyone else. On the rare occasions I needed to talk or something else from one of them, they were surprisingly absent. So, in my case, losing my friends ended up being a blessing.

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