What I Learnt About Grief After My Mom Died

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This is probably gonna be a sad one but not on purpose at all. Basically if you didn’t know, then my mom is dead. She died from breast cancer a fair few years ago and I’ve had to grow up being a teenage very quickly and on my own. Of course I had my dad and my brothers but that’s not the same as having a women figure who can help you with periods and “female” body problems ya know?!

I’ve encountered a TON of new facts about grief. I just thought grief was getting over a lost love one but it is so much more than that.

Grief doesn’t really have a “get over” date. It can arguably get better but it never goes away. It’s like a bad smell that just doesn’t go away. It can disappear and then come running back for no reason at all.  It’s almost been four years since my mother passed away but I can still find myself balling my eyes out over some silly things that happened when we were together. Like I said, it can arguably get better and you can learn to live with the grief and the aching in your heart.

You might be filled with tons upon tons of regret when they first pass away. You’ll question whether you spent enough time with them or if you expressed your love for them more often. This will only eat away at you. Incredibly harsh but they are gone now so there is no point overthinking the whole situation with a bunch of “what if’s”. It will just make you feel so much worse. They know you loved them and you spent enough time with them.

I had such a huge problem with the regret situation. I kept thinking over and over again that I should have stayed at home so much more to just spend time with my mom. I’ve spoke to my dad about this recently and he says that I should stop thinking about that because my mother cherished the time I did spend with her and she wouldn’t have wanted me to lock myself away in home like she had to, just to spend time with her. She would have wanted me to live my life.

Speaking of which, don’t feel guilty for living your life either. At all. Just because they have passed away, doesn’t mean your life is over. It’s far from it. Life goes on and that sounds dreadful but it does. Don’t feel guilty for being happy and moving on with your life. The loved one is always going to be in the forefront of your mind and I get that but they aren’t going to love you any less if you continue to live your life.

It’s fine occasionally thinking about them. It doesn’t mean you aren’t struggling with the grief. I think about my mom probably every day and that’s fine. Don’t feel guilt running through your head if you go a day and don’t feel sad about them no longer being here. It doesn’t mean you don’t care anymore, it just means you’re living.

It’s important to know there are no replacements for your loved one. No one could ever dream of replacing my mother. She was never perfect but who is? She was my mother and I loved her very much. No one is going to replace that hole in my heart.

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21 thoughts on “What I Learnt About Grief After My Mom Died

  1. Loved this post! I lost my best friend last year to cancer, so I am still in some ways coming to terms with it. But you are absolutely right, when you say that you can’t hold on to the what if’s etc, because it will eat away at you. Lovely post 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Few relations will look always young though a lot of time passed and we grown up. One of such relations is Mother (AMMA-India we call mother). You made the bloggers to respect the mother while they are alive once they are gone our regrets will keep fighting in silence.

    Great work Sophie, Keep it going.

    May God bless you richly and replace your grief with joy. {Jeremiah 31:13}

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Firstly i’m so sorry to hear about your mom, forever sending my love. I am lucky enough to have not lost any close family members and i do cherish that and i can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is or what grief is even like, but just going through that in your teens must’ve been so difficult but i can imagine you were so strong through ti x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, I think I could’ve been stronger but at the same time, I feel like I didn’t grieve enough. I can imagine people probably always feel like that when they lose someone close x

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  4. I’m sorry for your loss. I have never lost anyone that significant in my life so I cannot relate but I can understand how hard it must be. My mum had breast cancer when I was younger too but thankfully she survived and except for getting tired a lot easier now, she is fully recovered. Going through something like that really made me realize how grateful I am for her. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So sorry to hear about your mom. But you have all the strength and courage to overcome hurdles to lead the rest of your life. By the way, the post is just awesome and for sure one must adopt this type of behavior and think positively to move forward.

    Liked by 1 person

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