Hiya! This post was provoked after watching listening to Kalel’s video on why she’s depressed and alone. The gist of her video was a response to a lot of comments from people who have told her that she needs to stay single for a while in order to “find herself”.
I totally agree with what she said. Her common response was that just because she has been in a lot of relationships, doesn’t mean she needs to find herself. Kalel is known for dating one of the Smosh guys (idk what their names are lol) and when they separated, she dated someone else almost quickly and stayed in a long-term relationship – people portray her as someone who has always been in a relationship. She even said herself that the longest she has been out of a relationship is just over a month.
Anyway, the point of this post is not about her haha, it’s about the message of the video she posted.
I often hear when you come out of a relationship that you should spend a lot of time alone in order to reinvent yourself or find yourself if you’re a lot younger. It kinda puts the message across that when you’re in a relationship, you are unable to find who you are.
I was in a relationship for the majority of my teenage years and even though I am no longer in it, I grew up with that person by my side. Being in that relationship did not prevent me from growing as a person or prevent me from finding myself. That’s not true at all. If married people have been married for the majority of their life, are they incapable of finding themselves? Of course not so I don’t know why it’s different for relationships that don’t have a certificate or a ring involved.
That common advice after a break up is so annoying to me because simply, everyone is different. Some people thrive being single but some people also thrive being in one. I don’t personally know how I thrive because in retrospect, I am still young to know that. But still, I don’t feel the need to comment on how different people thrive.
I truly believe that people should stop comparing what they do to how people should behave. Does that make sense? No? Let me explain. If I was going through something and I dealt with it in a certain way, it would be very wrong for me to assume someone going through a similar situation should have to deal with it in the exact same way I did and if they didn’t, I would judge them. I just don’t think we should do that. We should accept that people struggle through things very differently and not every way to deal with a terrible problem is linear. It’s different for everyone.
I hope this makes any kind of sense.